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ShareSo I have been in a relationship with the same guy since I was about 16. It’s been a little over four years now, but I came out to him a year ago about the fact that I’m bisexual, which he has no problem with. So since then I have had wild fantasies about a threesome with a really hot girl. But it’s a lot harder to arrange that than it seems. Do you have any suggestions about how we can find a third? We’ve already tried Craigslist with no luck.
Where The Girls At?
You think your luck with Craigslist is bad, WTGA?
Jeff Gradney, a television news reporter in Las Vegas, lost his job after some anonymous douchebag alerted the management at KTNV-TV “Channel 13 Action News” to the fact that Gradney and his girlfriend placed an ad on Craigslist seeking a third. Sexphobia? Definitely. Homophobia? Perhaps: Gradney and his girlfriend were looking for another dude. And for this infraction – which had nothing to do with his job performance – Gradney was fired. So much for “Action News,” huh? (People who’ve had three-ways – or not – are invited to come to Gradney’s defence. Send an outraged e-mail to KTNV-TV’s vice-president and general manager, Jim Prather, at jprather@ktnv.com.)
Gradney’s dismissal came a week after a pair of nationally ranked college wrestlers – including a 2007 national champion – were booted from the University of Nebraska wrestling team after it emerged that both had jerked off for an Internet porn site. (Solo jerk-off scenes, nothing gay about ’em, although the website is aimed at gay men.)
Sexphobes will say that Gradney and those college wrestlers got what was coming to ’em. People shouldn’t let it all hang out on the Interwebs – or spurt out, in the case of the wrestlers – unless they’re prepared to lose their jobs, their spots on the team, their shot at being an “American Idol,” etc. But with so many people documenting their lives online, and with so many people using the Internet as a tool to seek sexual fulfilment, and in our thoroughly exhibitionist culture, one might think that people could picture themselves in Gradney’s shoes, or those wrestlers’ singlets, and cut ’em a little fucking slack.
If I may tweak a phrase: What happens online really ought to stay online. Your Internet personals shouldn’t be something that can be used against you by bluenoses at work; if you like to show off and you want to wank for the Web, that shouldn’t matter to the douchebags who run the NCAA. (Hello, NCAA? Want to generate interest in the sport? Encourage more college wrestlers to make JO videos.) Here’s hoping that we soon reach a Web-exposure tipping point, a time when everyone has something out there online that’s sexually explicit or deeply embarrassing or both. When that blessed day arrives, we’ll think twice about firing someone or cutting someone from the team for the crime of letting it all hang out online, because, hey, we’ve got it all hanging out online, too.
As for how to find a third, WTGA: Most people looking for thirds want someone who’s totally trustworthy and honest, someone who comes guaranteed to be disease-free, but they also want that someone to be a complete stranger whom they’ll never see again after the three-way is over. Those someones don’t exist, WTGA. If you really want to have a three-way, you either go with the likely-to-be-skeezy stranger you met online and risk dismemberment or you approach a trusted, attractive friend and risk rejection.
I am a 30-year-old woman in a relationship with my childhood sweetheart. My boyfriend and I got together when we were 15. That’s 15 years ago. It was – and remains – an intense and extraordinary intellectual compatibility. He’s the funniest and smartest person I have ever met. Sure, we have had our ups and downs, but there is a lot of good stuff there.
Okay, cutting to the chase: I have never slept with another man and I don’t want to. I no longer want to have sex with him and have been having sex with women behind his back. I have long been attracted to women and suspect I would have been in a relationship with one by now if my life had taken a different path. I love my boyfriend, his family, our friends, our life. But nothing makes me feel more “me” than lying next to a woman after we have gotten each other off for hours on end. Do I come out, wreck my life and his, all because of one small part of who I am? Or do I stop being an unfaithful bitch and make things work with the man I love?
Why Do I Have To Dig Chicks?
First off, WDIHTDC, no one has to dig chicks. It’s an elective, not a course requirement. (Except at Brown, of course.)
Now, seeing as you and your boyfriend are young enough to get out there and find new partners relatively easily, and seeing as this man who you profess to love has a right (1) not to be lied to for the rest of his life and (2) not to be cheated on for the rest of his life and (3) to be with a woman who actually wants to have sex with him, there’s only one possible course of action here. Thank your boyfriend for his years of faithful service – honour his service – and then cut his ass loose.
If you play your cards right, WDIHTDC, you may be able to keep your ex, his family and your mutual friends in your life. But if you continue to lie and cheat and munch carpet on the down-low, and you get caught and outed, it’s unlikely that your ex, his family and your mutual friends will want to see your lying, cheating, carpet-munchin’ face ever again.
I just read the advice you gave to the kid married for six months. His wife bought a strap-on once he brought up anal. You threw a line in there about the University of Pittsburgh and Bend Over Boyfriend, an instructional video about pegging. Are you implying that the Pitt girls are into this? I live 10 minutes from the main campus and would love to find a dominant pegger. Just don’t know how I would even begin the conversation.
Submissive U-Peggee
Did I say that U Pitt shows Bend Over Boyfriend as a part of freshman orientation? I may have misspoken. Or mistypen. It’s just that I recently gave a speech at U Pitt and the students there asked so many questions about pegging during the Q&A that I just assumed that Bend Over Boyfriend is shown to incoming classes at that fine institution of higher learning. (And I’m not saying that it shouldn’t be shown, only that it isn’t. It most definitely should. Indeed, Bend Over Boyfriend should be shown continuously in every frat house in North America from late August through early June.) But I would beg you, SUP, not to stalk U Pitt’s campus in search of a dominant pegger. If you’re having trouble finding a pegger through normal channels (surfing the Web, asking women you’re dating, hanging out at Wendy’s), SUP, then you’ll just have to rent one.
Oh, and speaking of speaking at colleges: If you want me to come to your campus and give a talk – we call it “Savage Love Live” – e-mail the folks who handle my speaking gigs at savagelove@kepplerspeakers.com.
Download the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
Send your Savage Love questions to mail@savagelove.net
NOW | August 27-September 3, 2008 | VOL 27 NO 52
189 Church St, Toronto ON M5B 1Y7 | Telephone 416-364-1300 | Front Desk Hours: Monday - Friday 9am - 6pm | email
About the last year into our friendship things changed I started to fall in love with him. (Cant you tell already not going to end well) We very close we would cuddle, kiss, sleep in the same bed, he would stroke my hair, hold me if I was crying and vice versa. I really don't know how it all began but in the beginning it was fun wrestling and the biting and the burses. It was kind of like kids playing. But it changed. He became controlling physically hurting me to get me to do thing he wanted. Whatever it may have been. Because he knew he was stronger than me. He would want to know about everything I did where I had gone. It depended he would not get mad about most of the thing I told him he just wanted to know but if he did not like it he would psychologically batter me and brainwash me into not doing or doing things differently (My friends and family became very concerned about this Relationship I had with him it was very destructive). Then all this was going on then our relationship became sexual. We never had sex. We almost did a few times but that is beside the point. He was the one aloud to pleasers me but I could never him. And it first started when I was very drunk and of course did not see it coming or ask for it so I was very confused after. there were other time with my consent but other times he would hurt me till the point of tears and screams and he would put his hand over my mouth and keep going and then he would make me feel good after(THAT THE WHO PLEASURE THING). so this was very confusing. He also played very very fucked up mind games (he was a very good actor)They we like role playing except I did not know it was role playing I thought it was real because I was not in on it only he was. There was one that lasted for 5 hours. but he prepared for it days in advance making me believe what he wanted me to believe and then the big finally would happen. there was one where he said he had an invisible friend that talked to him and told him to do thing. Knowing him for years and knowing he was kind of nuts helped me believe this. So on the day I had to leave him after spending a week with him and didn't going to work or school. he walked me to my bus stop when I finally had to leave. and on the way there I was asking him questions about this friend. And he was telling me the answers to these questions. I can't now remember what they were. But as we neared where I had to go he told me I could not leave because his friend said I could not. He then grabbed me by the neck (this was at night behind a community center and beside a school) and forces me on to the play structure. I was asking him why he was doing this and all sorts of thing that you would ask in this situation. he than forced me down sat on me and started chocking me. I could have died if he had not let go because I passed out for a minute. He than dragged me off of there and told me he had to take me to this place leaves me with this person and go. and of course I was freaking out asking questions to understand what was going on (side not I had told him I was in love with him 3 days earlier important part of how I was feeling at the time) I than finally got out of him that he had a very big drug debt and the guy was a sick fuck who liked to torture woman. And either he had to give him the money or His life or the life of a woman. He chose me. He said it was because I was depressed and suicidal and he knew I wanted to die (it felt like I jumped out of reality and was in a movie, we were moving the entire time to the place where he had to take me.) So i took this all in and was scared, and left or tried to. We were behind the guys place when he finally told me that piece. so as I tried to leave he called out a guy's name. so the guy could help him I guess. I was crying at this point. he caught up to me and started to get upset and felt bad for brining me into this. And so he decided he could not go through with it. but there was a guy coming down the back lane so we had to run and hide so we did.(in the beginning I thought it was a joke) And then he started to cry and say he was upset and he did not think he could do this blaa blaa baa. And I was like I told you three days ago that I love you and you go and do this to me. But I could see he was in agony about this. So I decided that I would go and give myself over to this Sick drug dealer because I loved him that much. So I gave him my bag. (symbolic: I lived out of my bag it had the book I was writing and my artwork and other personal thing. I told him I just needed a few minutes to calm down and not give this sick fuck the satisfaction of seeing me upset and face this thing head on. so we walked to a church that was on the same block. (and this played into my god complex seeing as how I was on the fence about my beliefs in him) so I prayed. And as he was sitting there with me. He became angry at how much time it was taking for me to calm down and started saying nasty thing and threatening me. And I got mad. Saying you are acting this way after I just said I would die for you. so of course this changed my mind. So he got mad and stormed off to the guy's house to get him. and that's when I ran and finally tried to get help from someone. don't ask me why I did not before because I could have. And I did find someone. But he was chasing after me. I kept running and saying get away from me. I guess he said something to the guy to calm him down. So I cut through some back yards but he caught up to me in a back lane. he grabbed me and shoved me against a wall. And started to talk to me saying your in this now he knows what you look like blaa blla blaa I said this has nothing to do with me what the Fuck is your problem. He gave me two choices either we go and sell our bodies to get the money. Or we find another woman to take to this guy. As I tried to get away again he threatened to smash my head into the building beside us leave me there and go get the drug dealers car. after he said this I yelled at him and rambled on. Then he was like Anastasia (he was holding me looking directly in my eyes) I said what the fuck do you want. Then he said "Im totally Joking" and of course I just lost it. He tied hugging me but I pushed him away. Then we walked around well I yelled at him for 30 min non stop. Then I finally calmed down. And he made nice.
Now that was just one game he played there were more. I eventually moved in with him and things got more depraved from there. But I am no longer living with him. And I have not seen him in a while it just became too much to handle. But what tops it all off is that now after 7 months of not living with him or seeing him that much he has a GIRLFEIEND MY GAY EX BESTFRIEND. Has a girlfriend. What was I just some fucked up test run experiment whatever for him to see if he was ready or I don't know to start sleeping with woman again. So I am pretty pissed.
Now there was much more than this that happened Good and Bad but I dont need to say all of it but I know I could have walked away at anytime physically. But I was brainwashed and hurt and then nurtured and cared for and abused and I was VERY VERY confused. But I just want to know if there is anyone out there that was Abused By there gay best friend. Maybe not to the same extreme. But I would be nice to know I am not alone in this.
Was there anyone else who went through this FAGHAG HELL?
There are a lot of screwed up people out there (I dated one of them), and as human beings we're just not programed to deal with that kind of stuff.
Get help, and never talk to this guy again.
That is the most obviously made up story I have EVER read. Either that or you are the stupidest person in the world. You pick.
LECHUCK is right, why would you even bother posting here? Dan doesn't see this... and if he did he would know it's completely fabricated.
PS you need a serious spelling and grammar lesson.
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