Dangerous Dan's owner James McKinnon photo by JOHN SCULLY best bet for cardiac arrest The Coronary Burger Special at Dangerous Dan's Famous for its massive 24-ounce hamburgers, this spoon with attitude will grill you up two 8-ounce beef patties, layer them with a heart-attack-inducing four slices of bacon and two of cheddar and plop a fried egg on top. Sided with fries 'n' gravy (pay extra and go for poutine instead), this artery-hardener comes with optional mayonnaise. 714 Queen East, 416-463-7310

best spuds
Jules

For years, Jamie Kennedy's frites at JK ROM (100 Queen's Park, 416-588-5577) have been Toronto's favourites. But the lightly salted, grease-free deep-fried golden shoestrings at Jules are true Gallic perfection. For basic fries lovers, the chunky taters at Harbord Fish & Chips (147 Harbord, 416-925-2225) are freshly cut on the spot and delicious with lots of salt and a healthy splash of malt vinegar, all wrapped Brit-style in yesterday's paper. An unabashed spoon, Caravel (211 Queen East, 416-363-9961) might not be the place to take clients, but its fabulously crispy soft-centred frozen fries are worthy of solo trips. Ask for well-done with gravy (canned, of course). 147 Spadina, 416-348-8886

best inspiration to go vegetarian
Casa del Baby Beef

This Portuguese meat market set in a dimly lit cinder-block bunker looks like something straight out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre - deeply dented butcher blocks, industrial saws and slicers, stuffed deer heads, a few knick-knacks and a couch. The creepiest part? Absolutely no visible meat. 1654 St. Clair West, 416-656-7045 best religious icons Queen of Tarts gingerbread nuns, devils and Jesuses Why sisters of the cloth? Says creator Stephanie Pick, "We tried to do Barbie and Wonder Woman, but the cookie cutter seems to be a better shape for nuns." 283 Roncesvalles, 416-651-3009

best ironic restaurant decor
Gio Rana's Really Really Nice Restaurant

The demolition-chic interior of what was once a bank is now stripped of drywall, ceiling tiles, light fixtures and linoleum and gussied up with incongruous empty picture frames. A really really cheap reno, too. 1220 Queen East, 416- 469-5225

best gluten-free bread
A Slice of Life

Every Wednesday the Queen East bakery, just relocated to Little India, offers the only baked-that-day gluten-free loaves in the city. And it's cheaper than those week-old wheatless doorstoppers found at health food stores and specialty shops. 285 Coxwell, 416-463-5974

best thin-crust pizza
Gerrard Spaghetti and Pizza and Marcello's

Gerrard's is strictly old-school. But its terrific thin-crust pies update tradition with first-rate house-roasted toppings like red pepper and eggplant in olive oil. Don't miss the homemade chili preserves. Across town, Marcello's has a marvellous neighbourhood feel. Regulars stroll in at all hours, grab an espresso, catch up on the gossip and chow down on the tastiest wood-oven-baked pizza on the Corso Italia. Terroni's (720 Queen West, 416-504-0320, and others) title has been challenged. 1528 Danforth, 416-463-7792, 1163 St. Clair West, 416-656-6159

best new chef
Ngoc Lam of CafŽ 668

A self-trained cook who learned from her mother in Vietnam, Lam is not the type of chef usually found in vegetarian eateries. To begin with, she's a carnivore and, though she's a Buddhist, has no problem adding onion, ginger and garlic to such dazzling Bangkok-goes-to-Saigon-by-way-of-Tokyo-and-Calcutta dishes as shredded deep-fried tofu salad with cukes and cashews. Far from tradition-bound, the fact that she's literally making it up as she goes along makes her fabulous food even more inspiring, especially since she's never worked, let alone cooked in or co-owned a restaurant before. 668 Dundas West, 416-703-0668

best maitre
d'Shamez Amlani of La Palette

An 11-year veteran of soigné Le Select (328 Queen West, 416-596-6405), Almani personifies grace. His welcome warm, his prices right, this affable host makes first-timers feel like regulars and regulars like family. Not sure of a wine? Try this. Thinking of soup? Here's a taste. His suave service coupled with the modest room's Gay Paree vibe and chef Michael Harrington's assured take on steak frites explain La Palette's succ�s d'estime. 256 Augusta, 416-929-4900

best old-school slice
bitondo

Because it opens at 10 am, this hidden backstreet pizzeria is a fave with taxi drivers, school kids and people who stay up really, really late and need a fix of carbs. Refusing to bow to fashion, Bitondo's simply constructed pies (pepperoni: yes or no?) are classic Italia. 11 Clinton, 416-533-4101

Grocer Yong Csee photo by JOHN SCULLY best chinese grocer Fu Yao Chinatown East at Gerrard and Broadview has always been in the shadow of downtown's much larger Chinatown. Whereas Spadina has increasingly become a sea of discarded coconut shells and unrecycled cardboard, Riverdale's merchants have gone with the tidy approach. And unlike the messy, chaotic supermarkets on Spadina, Fu Yao is well organized, spotless and quick at the cash register. Vegetables are helpfully labelled, approachable staff are glad to answer questions and dairy products are sold Ð unheard of elsewhere. Check out the sweet Filipino bacon in the freezer case. 643 Gerrard East, 416-778-1920

best vegetarian guilty pleasure
Soya Intestines at Dumpling House

Resembling something the contestants on Fear Factor might attempt to choke down, these mock meat innards are made of sinfully delicious bean curd. They taste exactly like the skin of a roasted chicken. Unfortunately, although completely fowl-free, they come drenched in as much saturated fat as any festive bird. 328 Spadina, 416-596-8898

best cappuccino bar on the planet
Spitfire Sound

Although this hipster haunt's hours are appropriately vague, swinging Spitfire is a shrine to all things mod, complete with a wall of import freak-beat CDs, a scooter parked in the middle of the room and racks of vintage Carnaby Street clobber, all at ridiculously reasonable prices. Add a home organ for any would-be Jimmy Smiths, garage doors that open to the passing Kensington scene and a Gaggia that's always fired up and this Spitfire hits the 60s bullseye. 285 Augusta, no phone

best argument for montrealers who say t.o. bagels suck
St. Urbain Bagels

Delish right out of the oven , these bagels are a Toronto-centric take on an authentic recipe perpetrated by uptown expats. Yes, these water babies are twice the size of those devoured on St. Laurent. Your point? St. Lawrence Market South, 93 Front East, 416-364-8305; 895 Eglinton West, 416-787-6955

best comfort food
Laura Prentice's Feta Scalloped Potatoes at Gus

Prentice takes classic Greek home cooking and revitalizes it with contemporary twists. Most soul-satisfying are her ambrosial creamy spuds rich with ch�vre, a starter with enough retro style to be the main attraction. To finish, rice pudding served in a martini glass with a cinnamon swizzle stick: pure sense memory. 1033 Bay, 416-923-8159

best old standby
Stem open kitchen

The Stem was already close to 30 years old before its low-rent strip became some of the priciest real estate in town. The food's exactly the same as any spoon's - Kraft cheese omelettes, Campbell's soup from tins, Kellogg's cereal in individual serving boxes, hot chicken sandwiches. The diner's timeless ambience has seen the Stem serve as a movie set, a fashion shoot backdrop and, most recently, a venue for Radix Theatre's play set in a luncheonette. The spacious red vinyl booth in the front window is one of the best people-watching spots on the street. 354 Queen West, 416-593-0530

best heat advisory
The chili chart at Salad King

Right up front at the counter of this Thai-tastic cafeteria, a sign asks pyrophobes just how hot they want their Evil Jungle Prince. One chili: "Nice." Five: "Watch out!" 10: "Are you sure?" 15: "Some survive." 20: "Can get stomach upset!" No rating for the few fools who regularly opt for 30 peppers or more. "Head to the hospital," perhaps? 335 Yonge, 416-971-7041

best little-known kitchenware store
Sasmart

From the sidewalk, this Kensington Market spot, with its piles of plastic pails, chamber pots and pinnies, looks like a Portuguese discount house . It is. But half the store is a bargain-hunter's gadget paradise. Next to religious kitsch, find end-of-line European dishware and period martini shakers. Pick up this season's foodie kitchen essential - stainless steel ginger graters - for under 20 bucks. 6 Denison Square, 416- 596-6415

best jerk pork
Port Henderson

Much island food has the subtlety of a sledgehammer. But Port owner Mavis Roberts shuns the industrial-strength thyme and allspiced jerk of her competitors to produce slow-roasted meat that would fall from the bone - if there were any. Her oxtail in pulpy tomato sauce and steamed porgy in lemon broth are equally sublime. 10281/2 St. Clair West, 416-656-5704

Co-owner Dannie Son photo by CLINT MCLEAN best st. lucian joint with $2.50 beer Soul Food A funky island spot with the cheapest domestic suds in town. Heineken or Red Stripe? That'll be three bucks. 584 Lansdowne, no phone

best saloon
The Paddock

It was once a gin joint popular with wise guys reading the racing form, but the intimate wood-panelled bar is all that remains of one of Toronto's most period watering holes. Now it's a media-savvy crowd pounding back the single malts, bent on conversation and carousing. The window seat semi-circular red leather booth is bound to impress visiting out-of-town seen-it-all types. 178 Bathurst, 416-504-9997

best gourmet shop nobody knows about
Marketta Artuso

Open less than a year and adjacent to to the fabulously French Tournayre Patisserie (1856 Queen East, 416-693-7997), this near-Beach gourmando groceteria may not be the largest in the area, but it's the most exquisitely stocked. Besides the usual oils, Ace breads and imported cheeses, proprietor Patricia Artuso also carries La Paloma's stellar gelato (an exclusive!), shrink-wrapped foie gras from Quebec and take-away suppers like lamb shank with couscous and roasted root veg. Why? "I've been waiting for years for a store like this to open out here," says Artuso. "It never happened. So I did it myself." 1860 Queen East, 416-693-4614