Welcome to NOW's seventh annual Love & Sex Guide, where we parse and present the most intimate details of how we live and love ourselves and others.

Thank you to the 5,895 people who answered the call to respond to our questionnaire. You share in presenting this special issue. Your willingness to open up makes it possible to tell this fascinating story of who we are.

And it is quite a story. Together, we're all kinds of people, yet we all strangely fit together, too, forming eye-opening and unexpected patterns of experience. But be sure of one thing: we're almost always either hot or loving, and often enough we're both.

This year's results are shouting loud about some big changes in the way we see our own sex preferences and identity. Over these six years, we've been defined by our consistency. How often we make love, how frequently we pleasure ourselves and most of all who we love to love have remained almost the same from year to year.

This year's results are different. They show that as a group, we're in the midst of a rising tide of sexual fluidity.

Many more are ticking off the box that offers both sexes when it comes to sexual preference. And for the first time ever, the number of men who are bisexual is now larger than those who only like the same sex. That's a sea change, and it's redefining many things, including the very meaning of "straight."

Read on and enjoy. And don't forget to count yourself in during questionnaire season next fall.

1. What gender do you most strongly identify with?

a. Male
b. Female

This year's Love & Sex respondents are just about gender equals. Isn't that nice? About the same number of men as women have included themselves. As in other years, women have a slight upper hand, though, at 51 per cent, while the guys are just a tad behind at 49. Not when it comes to masturbation, of course. But wait, we'll be getting to all that.

2. Was that first question tricky for you?

a. Yes
b. No

Gender is not clear-cut for more of us than you'd expect. About one out of every six (16 per cent) say they find it tricky. And surprisingly, the yeses for het men are only slightly fewer than for queer men (16 per cent vs 18 per cent).

Meanwhile, queer women are the most put off by the gender game, with 23 per cent saying it's a tricky issue compared to 15 per cent of the straight sistas. Those drawn to both sexes are actually the most likely to be ambiguous about gender; 20 per cent report that they have issues.

Age also plays a part in the gender game. Thirty per cent of those under 18 say they find the whole thing tricky. In the 18-to-24 range, just the guys are more likely than the norm to have issues (21 per cent). Meanwhile, the women balance things out on the other end, with a third of women over 50 (33 per cent) saying they find gender a trickster.

Who knew?

• If you happen to be going through a breakup right now, you are less likely than average to be clear about gender identity.
• The same holds for those who are into explicit non-monogamy.

You tell us:

• Are any of us truly one gender?
• I am of the third gender, the observers.
• I don't always identify as a woman, but male or trans doesn't fit either. I'm an academic.
• I fantasize I'm the opposite gender when I masturbate.
• I sometimes have asshole male tendencies when it comes to sex.
• I would prefer to identify with neither gender.
• I'm a guy who likes to act like a girl from time to time, but never associate myself with being a woman.
• I'm a male who used to be female.

3. How old are you?

a. Under 18
b. 18-24
c. 25-35
d. 36-49
e. 50+

While two-thirds of those who filled out the survey are between 18 and 35 (68 per cent), the women are younger than the men. Thirty-six per cent of the women are 18 to 24, compared to only 25 per cent of the men.

Meanwhile, 35 per cent of the men are over 36, while only 19 per cent of the women are. And that's been consistent for years. It appears that age and gender together really affect the urge - to talk about sex, that is. Younger women are just more drawn to communicate about their sex lives via the survey than younger men.

And then the tables turn. As men get older, they're more forthcoming. Women, not so much. My guess is that as the survey goes, so does life.

Who knew?

• Age does little for fidelity. When it comes to the secretly non-monogamous, the under-35s are less likely than average to be fooling around, while those 36 and over are more likely.
• On the other hand, people 18 to 24 are less likely than the norm to keep their most gossip-worthy sex a secret, even when asked to do so.
• They are also more likely than average to have been the cause of a breakup.
• Those between 25 and 35 are more likely than average to have an online dating profile and to mention that they are also dating someone else before having sex with a new person.

4. What is your sexual preference?

a. I like it only with the opposite sex
b. I like it only with the same sex
c. I like it with either sex

Is there something in the drinking water? For years, the NOW sex survey has produced really consistent numbers around sexual preference. But this year marks a major shift. Sexual fluidity is significantly on the rise.

While the number of people who are only into the same sex is holding steady, exclusive heterosexuality is on the decline, including, very notably, among men. Only 69 per cent of women and 75 per cent of men say they are just into the opposite sex. That's a meaningful slump from last and previous years' numbers (76 per cent of women and 80 per cent of men).

While the percentages for those who only like the same sex are almost exactly the same as in previous years (5 per cent for women and 12 per cent for men), the sexually ambidextrous women have gone from 18 per cent last year to 26 per cent this year, and the similarly inclined men have gone from 8 to 14 per cent this year.

Women are still almost twice as likely as men to be bi, but the likelihood of guys being into both sexes has almost doubled. That's big. And it isn't focused on any particular age group either, so the results speak even louder. For those with a crush on an unattainable someone, it certainly opens a world of new possibilities. "Metrosexual" isn't just a pretty word any more.

Who knew?

• Old school monogamy is a less common choice for bis than for either gays or straights. But here's an important caveat: going both ways doesn't mean being more likely than others to keep secrets from your partners.
• Bisexual lovers are less likely than average to see penetration or intercourse as their surest way to orgasm, while they're more likely than others to get off best on sex toys.
• Sweet dreams, it seems. Those into both sexes are more likely than most to have erotic escapades in their dream time as well as during waking hours and to have more than one online dating profile. Of course.
• The love of fetish or kink is more prevalent among those who play on both teams, and so is staying up to date with STI testing (within the last six months). You get a gold star wherever you want it for that one.

5. If you had to choose, you see yourself as:

a. Queer
b. Straight

Here's where things get confounding. The whole meaning of straight is starting to look at least a little bent. Thirty-one per cent of women are into either the same or both sexes, preference-wise, but only 12 per cent consider themselves queer.

For men, 26 per cent are into guys either a little or a lot, while only 14 per cent see themselves as queer. If forced to choose a label to represent their sexual identity, more than two-thirds of those who are into both sexes consider themselves straight - women just a bit more so than men.

Is this a sign of gay self-rejection? Hopefully, it's more about straight liberation. All I can say is, don't judge a book by its cover.

You tell us:

• God, I wish I was a lesbian.
• Have bi-curious fantasies.
• Hetero-flexible.
• I enjoy receiving blow jobs from guys during foursomes.
• I find women more attractive than men, but I prefer to fuck men.
• I have some curiosity about purely physical action with a shemale I identify as straight, but I also fantasize about sucking a lot of cock, so....
• I just seem like a lesbian.
• I like guys physically and girls emotionally.
• I reserve the right to change my mind.
• I see myself as queer, most of the world sees me as straight, my husband thinks I made a decision.
• I'd usually prefer men, but some women send me into a frenzy.
• If it was up to me, I'd be straight.
• I'll sleep with either sex... but only want to date a man.
• I'm in touch with my feminine side, but she's a dyke.
• My term is bifectionate.
• Queer yet going through a masochistic het phase.
• Raging heterosexual .
• Straight-ish.
• They're both fun, but can't do without the cock.
• Both have assumptions. I would rather be labelled queer, because it allows more flexibility, but I masturbate to the thought of women licking each other and dream about joining in.

6. What is your current relationship status?

a. Single
b. Single but I have a friend(s) with benefits
c. I'm in the middle of a breakup
d. Together but we live apart
e. Unmarried but living together
f. Married

The majority of us are in some sort of relationship (58 per cent), but not by that much, really - 41 per cent of us are single. Of those who fly solo, the majority are well and truly single (57 per cent of men, 52 per cent of women), but many others supplement via friends with benefits (35 per cent of men and 39 per cent of women).

Let's all send good vibes to the remaining 9 per cent of both sexes who are in the middle of a breakup. Hey, it's going to get better, I promise.

The men and women in relationships are more different from each other than the singles, partly reflecting the age difference between us in this survey.

Almost half the women (49 per cent) but only 34 per cent of the men don't live with their sweetheart. When it comes to marriage, though, only 23 per cent of the women and 39 per cent of the men have said "I do." About one in four (women 28 per cent and men 26 per cent) just live together.

Queer men are way more likely than anyone else, especially straight men, to be playing the field (55 per cent queer, 36 per cent straight), while queer women are only a little more likely than straight women to be doing likewise (47 per cent queer, 43 per cent straight). Vive la diff�rence.

Gay guys are also way less likely to be among those who are together but live apart (14 per cent of queer men, others 22 to 29 per cent).

But when it comes to being married, queer men and women are exchanging rings on a par with straight women at 10 to 13 per cent. Wow, that catch-up was quick. The straight guys are twice as likely as anyone else to walk down the aisle, at 26 per cent.

Who knew?

• You might have guessed this: the secretly non-monogamous are more likely than average to be among the married.
• Don't mean to rub it in, but couples who don't live together are more likely than average to say their sex life couldn't be better.

You tell us:

• A little too single.
• Changing gender isn't so good for relationships.
• He practically lives with me but is unwilling to commit to adult things so keeps his apartment.
• How about attached at the hip?
• I have a non-sexual life partner.
• I'm in the middle of a courtship.
• I'm single, have a lover, a long-distance lover, waiting for a divorce and in the middle of breaking up with another lover.
• In an open polyamorous relationship.
• In love with a man who lives far, far away.
• Like to try swinging, can't talk wife into it.
• Live as a slave with my master/dominant.
• Love my spouse but wish I had a fuck buddy.
• My brother and I live as a couple.
• My fianc�e died last January. So still feel "taken."
• Never had a relationship in my entire life.
• Nothing like having sex with a married man!
• Physically single but emotionally taken.
• Still in the fucking-my-ex part of my breakup.
• Swinger.
• The girlfriend lives with her husband.
• There's a whole unrequited thing going on.
• Would like to be free.

7. What is your relationship approach?

a. Monogamous or it's over
b. Explicitly non-monogamous
c. Secretly non-monogamous
d. Monogamous except under agreed-upon circumstances

When it comes to the rules of the game, total monogamy is the categorical choice of less than half of us (49 per cent women and 44 per cent men).

The next-largest group (36 per cent of women and 31 per cent of men) have a new-school twist on the one-and-only. They are into customized fidelity - monogamy except under agreed-upon circumstances.

Queer women are particularly into this arrangement (52 per cent versus unmodified monogamy 28 per cent), compared to their straight sisters (34 per cent have an agreement versus 52 per cent one strike and you're out).

The men are in the middle, with queer men a bit more like queer women (39 per cent agreement-based, 34 per cent traditional), and straight men a little more like straight gals (30 per cent custom-monogamy, 46 per cent regular).

Queer women, at 5 per cent, are also the least likely to be secretly non-monogamous, followed by straight women at 9 per cent, queer men at 12 per cent and straight men at a whopping 18 per cent. That's the kind of result you could get all judgmental about, but we'll resist the urge. Thank you for sharing.

Queer culture takes the lead again when it comes to explicit non-monogamy, with 15 per cent of both men and women choosing that road. They are joined by only 5 per cent of straight women and 7 per cent of straight men.

Who knew?

• The secretive are also more likely than average to find public affection embarrassing. I wonder why?
• Those who are into their one-and-only are more likely than average to consider themselves romantic. A little fairy with your tail, anyone?
• Meanwhile, the explicitly non-monogamous are more likely than average to be unromantically inclined.

You tell us:

• A good fling once a year helps keep things spicy.
• Does phone sex count? That's been my only indiscretion.
• He is monogamous to me, but I am free to encounter others.
• I am bi. I can't be monogamous.
• I am free to go with women but not other men, which is fine with me.
• I have one main squeeze and a subsidiary squeeze or two here and there.
• I only expect her to be monogamous.
• I wish everyone had dating contracts, sign up for six months then split with no hard feelings.
• I'm a lifestyle dominatrix, so my partner has to be okay with play outside the relationship with strangers.
• I'm generally polyamorous, but I'll negotiate a relationship with someone who doesn't live that lifestyle.
• It's not cheating if I'm in the room.
• My girlfriend has been with another man recently, and I think it's really hot.
• Neither of us owns the other.
• Threesomes in relationships never end well.
• We both have to approve of the other person's "special friends."
• We only swing when on vacations.
• We play well together with others.
• We're still at the negotiating table.
• Why do I get attracted to jealous, monogamous women?

8. How happy are you with your current relationship situation?

a. Quite content
b. More happy than not
c. It sucks
d. It changes from day to day

There are a lot of content people among us. Only 3 per cent of partnered women and 5 per cent of partnered men think their relationship situation really sucks, while 61 per cent of women and 53 per cent of men are quite content. Among the partnered, another 23 per cent of women and 28 per cent of men say they are more happy than not.

Singles, of course, different story. But still, for the 21 per cent of single women and 27 per cent of single men who say it sucks, there are 20 per cent of single men and 18 per cent of women who are quite content and another 18 per cent of men and 20 per cent of women who are more happy than not.

For 38 per cent of singles and 14 per cent of people in relationships, their feelings change from day to day.

Who knew?

• The monogamous are more likely than average to be among the contented, while the secretly non-monogamous are less likely than average. Just in case you were thinking...
• Here's a tip from us to you: the most content are more likely than average to be having sex twice a week or more.

You tell us:

• I don't like being single, but it's better than being miserable and taken.
• I just broke up with a long-term boyfriend. Sometimes this sucks, sometimes it's liberating.
• I like very specific types of guys, and they are hard to find.
• I love being single when I'm getting laid...
• I wish my partner would commit, but she's guarded and wounded.
• I'm good at being single, but I can't cuddle alone. A partner would be nice.
• I'm happy, but I have to do all the work.
• It would be perfect if my husband let me have sex with other men.
• Just not happy about the distance.
• Men should be more loving. How is it possible for one to be lonely in a relationship?
• Next time I'm in a relationship, butterflies in my stomach are mandatory.
• Back into the dating cycle. Ugh.
• Emotionally thrilled; sexually frustrated.
• We're so happy together, we've stopped telling people, cuz they throw up.
• Wish I could be a slut.

9. On average, how many times in the last month have you had sex with a partner(s)?

a. Once a day or more
b. Every other day
c. Twice a week
d. Once a week
e. Less than once a week
f. Zero

How much do you get? We've been getting the same results for years, so listen up. As a group, the collective answer is only mildly age-related unless you are under 18, in which case you are more likely than the norm to be either getting it once a day or not at all.

It's also not about being male or female. Despite stereotypes, men and women are hopping along pretty equally on the make-like-a-bunny trail. But being partnered is the huge factor - two-thirds of singles get it either never (42 per cent) or less than once a week (22 per cent).

On the other hand, that leaves more than one in three singles (36 per cent) shagging weekly or more, which kind of warms the cockles, doesn't it?

Meanwhile, almost half of the shacked-up are making with the mating either every other day (21 per cent) or twice a week (28 per cent). Chances for a couple to be doing each other daily are just about equal to the sad likelihood of doing it not at all (8 per cent).

Who knew?

• Sorry to say, but those who are actually married are more likely than the norm to be lovemaking only once a week or less, while those who are unmarried and either living apart or together are more likely to be pleasuring each other twice a week or every other day. Sometimes stereotypes are there for a reason.
• Gay weddings might be preludes to this downward marital sex trend, but the guests who have attended a deluge of them since legalization are more likely than most to be among the lucky libidos getting it once a day or more.

You tell us:

• Booty calls subject to work schedules.
• Does e-mail sex count?
• Every time we're together there's sexual contact.
• Gotta go cold turkey off the breakup. It's like heroin.
• He has no sex drive, which is killing me.
• He's a sex addict, so when we're together it's high demand.
• He's in the Navy. I only get to see him maybe twice a year.
• His penis is too big, seriously.
• I just had a baby and am still healing from a tear. Also, we favour sleep over sex right now!
• It seems to be more out of obligation than anything else. The quicker the better.
• It would be more if we had any privacy, but we don't.
• It's a distance relationship. There would be more sex if we saw each other more often.
• My fault. I've gained a lot of weight over the past year and feel very unsexy and unsexual.
• My partner turns me off. He has been very mean to me.
• No girlfriend, thus no sex, hence no disease or unwanted babies.
• No sex yet, as we're still at the "dating" stage.
• Self-imposed period of celibacy after lots and lots of sex with lots of people.
• The sex has diminished because my friend-with-benefits is having a child by me.
• Waiting for our periods to sync up.

10. On average, how many times in the last month have you masturbated?

a. Once a day or more
b. Every other day
c. Twice a week
d. Once a week
e. Less than once a week
f. Zero

Guys are king of the hand. More than half show some love daily (25 per cent) or every other day (26 per cent). Women tend to pleasure themselves less often, but, hey, 52 per cent still give themselves the finger twice a week or more, but in a good way.

As you'd expect, being single amps the frequency for both sexes, but people with partners still find plenty of time for themselves. Forty-six per cent of partnered guys and 26 per cent of the gals give themselves a tug every other day or more.

When it comes to setting aside personal playtime, being queer isn't just about same sex. It's about same self, too. Sixty two per cent of gay men talk to the hand at least every other day, compared to 49 per cent of straight guys. Hitting it just as often are 37 per cent of queer women, compared to only 30 per cent of straight gals.

Who knew?

• Somehow, there's always time for you. People who are having sex with a partner on a daily basis are more likely than average to also have sex with themselves every day.
• Here's a term that didn't come from nowhere: chances are higher than average that those who like to spank the monkey every day or two also like to spank their lover's butt.

You tell us:

• Between all the work I'm doing and all the sex I'm having, there just isn't time!
• Does mutual masturbation count?
• Hangover boner relief.
• I am never etachable shower head can't do better than your spouse!
• Those cheap disposable electric toothbrushes vibrate really nicely. When I come home from work, it's a nice way to change gears.
• When our daughter goes for her nap, I go for my rabbit.
• With my partner on the phone.
• Without self-love, there is no love.

11. Name a place you've fantasized about having sex in.

Allan Gardens greenhouses.

Ambulance, with a medic.

At the ROM underneath a dinosaur.

Ball room at Ikea.

Church confessional.

Cockpit of an airplane.

Elevator in our apartment building, on camera.

Ferris wheel.

Funeral home.

Hospital operating theatre while people are watching.

House of Commons.

Ice cream truck.

In a cage at the zoo.

In a cop car.

Little kids' playground in the crawly tubes.

Lobby of a hotel.

Men's locker room, with the hockey players watching.

Mosh pit.

Moving fire truck.

Phone booth.

Pool table.

Rooftop bar at the Hyatt.

Speakers' corner.

Taxi cab... with the taxi driver.

Theatre box at the opera.

Toronto Island ferry.

Yoga class.

12. Your surest way to orgasm is:

a. Oral
b. Manual
c. Intercourse/penetration
d. Sex toy(s)

And the winner is... well, for gals, manual is the hands-down fave. Thirty-three per cent say high to the five is their surest bet. Intercourse and oral are tied not far behind at 27 per cent.

Guys are twice as likely to be into penetrating the orgasm issue, at 54 per cent, with 58 per cent of straight guys pushing intercourse on top. Only 34 per cent of queer guys feel deeply the same way.

And guess who loves oral the most? Hint: the winners don't need you to suck and blow at the same time. Twenty-seven per cent of women are best orgasmically resuscitated by mouth, while the same is true for only 20 per cent of men.

Boys don't love with their toys much either - at least for orgasm's sake (3 per cent), but 12 per cent of girls still like to play with their Barbies best.

Who knew?

• Penetration is more likely than average to be the fave of those who have sex every other day.
• Oral is more popular than the norm among those who get pleasured less than once a week. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

You tell us:

• Anal will make me splooge in about 15 seconds.
• Any, as long as I didn't masturbate the day before.
• As long as the clit gets hit.
• Bathtub faucet.
• Doesn't matter what's going on physically - if my mind isn't into it, it'll never happen.
• Dry humping does it for me as well....
• Flogging is the surest way.
• Have always had to fake it with a guy.
• Her fingers inside me, and a vibrator on my clit.
• I have to be on top.
• I love thick penises, but my fingers know me best.
• If all else fails, there's always the failsafe shower head.
• If I could find a woman as talented as my right hand, I'd get married.
• I'm a man. I always cum!
• I'm an eco-friendly freak except when it comes to my battery-gobbling vibrator!!!
• It has to be kinky or no orgasm.
• My clit is addicted to my fingers.
• Nipple play!!
• Poppers really help.
• Porn helps.
• Rimming.
• Sometimes penetration is a little too quick to make me come.
• With a cock ring on and a vibrator up my ass, on the bottom.

13. What celebrity would you most like to share an orgasm with?

FEMALE QUEER FIRST CHOICE

Angelina Jolie

FEMALE STRAIGHT TOP CHOICE

Johnny Depp

MALE QUEER TOP CHOICE

Jake Gyllenhaal

MALE STRAIGHT TOP CHOICE

Jessica Alba

Other interesting choices:

• Abe Vigoda
• Adam Giambrone
• Betty White
• Brian Mulroney
• Bubbles of the Trailer Park Boys
• Dr. Phil
• Fozzie Bear
• George W. Bush
• Jesus
• Justin Trudeau and Prince William simultaneously
• Miss Piggy
• Queen Elizabeth II
• Ronald McDonald

14. If you had sex with a celebrity who asked you not to "kiss and tell," you would:

a. Respect their wishes
b. Tell only your closest friend
c. Share it with the world!
d. Try to make a killing from it

If you happen to be a celebrity reading this right now, rest assured - you are among friends. Only three or four out of a hundred would tell the world about a secret liaison with you, and only an additional 3 per cent would try to make a killing on it.

Be warned, though. If you're going to fool around with someone under 18, these numbers double. In general, discretion increases slightly with age.

Okay, so of the remaining honourable options, the results probably say more about different patterns of friendship and communication than they do about bragging rights. Most women (61 per cent) would just have to tell their closest friend. Most guys (53 per cent) would hold their tongues completely (after the fact, that is).

We are not all Venus and Mars, though. One in three (33 per cent) women could keep completely mum. And 39 per cent of guys would make like most girls and spill the beans to their closest pal.

Who knew?

• If someone over 50 did actually score with a celeb, there's an 80 per cent chance they would keep it to themselves. So who knows...?
• People who are in a relationship but live apart are more likely than average to share their exciting secret with one other.
• Those who are married are more likely to keep it completely on the down-low.

You tell us:

• Eighty per cent of the reason why I'd sleep with them is so I can gossip with my girlfriends!
• But it really depends on the conclusion of the circumstance. If he was a compete dick, I would so tell the world!
• Facebook!!!!!!!!!
• Gotta tell my wife. She'd be thrilled and ask why she wasn't invited.
• Hopefully, my partner could watch.
• I always tell lovers I am not good at keeping secrets. I love to brag.
• I'd build up some trust with them in order to score more booty.
• I'd die if I didn't tell someone.
• I'd get a kick out of not telling anybody.
• I'd make sure I got it on video.
• If I had sex without my boyfriend, I wouldn't want it getting around.
• If it was good, wouldn't you want to keep it quiet and do it again?
• If you swing, you can't gossip.
• Only if they kept "kissing" would I not be "telling."
• Only tell people who'd believe me.
• The kind of celebrity who'd have sex with me is not the kind of celebrity I'd brag about having sex with.
• Then maybe they would tell their hot celebrity friends I was a reliable sex partner!
• To kiss and tell would be unethical and gross.
• "World" being my close friends. Intimate details provided.
• You have to respect these kinds of wishes! Karma and all.

16. How do you feel when you have an orgasm but your partner doesn't?

a. Never happened
b. If my partner tells me not to take it personally, then I don't
c. I feel like a failure
d. What's the problem?

It's pretty complicated when you're up close and personal. Not to push the psychobabble button too hard, but truth is, finding appropriate boundaries is a huge challenge of intimacy.

Probably the most balanced response offered in this question is "I don't take it personally if my partner tells me not to." I mean, feeling like a failure may be just taking too much on, and not caring at all seems a bit on the selfish side, depending on the circumstances.

Straight men are about twice as likely as most others to get worked up if their partner doesn't. No "o" makes 20 per cent of straight guys feel like they did something wrong. Only 10 to 13 per cent of gay men and all women feel the same.

Straight women, on the other hand, are significantly less likely to say they don't take it personally (30 per cent versus over 40 per cent for all others).

On the other hand, they are the most likely (23 versus 17 to 20 per cent) to be completely unconcerned. Not a great combo, really. I'm thinking some male/female dynamics are starting to show themselves here.

Who knew?

• If you agree that the sexually well-adjusted are more likely than average to not "take it personally" then here's where to find them:
• Look among those who have sex or masturbate every other day, those who are between 36 and 49, those who are queer, those who are married, those who take part in sex-related events or communities or those who hang in for breakfast after a one-night stand.

You tell us:

• Boys are supposed to cum from sex - of course I feel awful.
• He has a hand and an imagination - he can do it himself later.
• He's a lot less frisky than I am, so often we're done when I'm done.
• Honey, we should have sex before you start drinking so much.
• I believe in sexual karma.
• I don't think an orgasm should be the goal of every sexual act.
• I feel not so much a failure as disappointed.
• I get him off first... always.
• I give her no choice - orgasm or you get the hose.
• I know he's going to be cranky for days - that's the worst part.
• I make sure she's satisfied first - it increases my pleasure.
• I think my take-charge attitude scares their erections away.
• I usually call their mothers.
• It's payback for those times he comes and I don't.
• Lesbians always orgasm.
• Often happens due to partner's stress... so I don't take it personally.
• She knows how to use a vibrator, and I like watching.
• The drugs are to blame.
• There is no harmony if one person walks out unsatisfied.
• We'll just do it again!
• Wife doesn't like to orgasm; always stops me.

17. Have you ever tried to break up a couple?

a. Mission: accomplished
b. Tried but failed
c. It has happened accidentally
d. Never have, never will

It ain't pretty, but it's pretty wild. About one out of every five of us has at some point deliberately set out to break up a couple. The guys are just a bit more prone to this approach than the gals (22 versus 18 per cent). The odds of success? About six out of 10.

Another 23 per cent have done the deed by accident, a few more women than men in this case (26 versus 21 per cent). Which still leaves a majority who say, "Never have, never will."

But I'm wondering if some amnesia is happening here, because the age graph shows younger people much more prone to wooing the committed (42 per cent for the under-18s, and 24 per cent for the 18-to-24s) than older people. By the time you get to the over-50s, 74 per cent say they "never have, never will." I get the "never will," but given the prevalence of this behaviour in younger age groups , I suspect the "never haves" really meant to say they wish they never had.

Who knew?

• People who who have been to a ton of gay weddings are more likely than the norm to have accomplished a couple crack-up. Note to planners: go over the guest list carefully.
• People who have slept with someone they later found to have an STI but didn't get infected or who almost always are somehow altered on their first encounter are more likely than the norm to have accidentally been the cause of a breakup. Oops.

You tell us:

• I have wanted to... but, oh, the moral thread.
• And it was totally worth it... until some bitch came along and broke us up.
• Breakup was not the real goal. Casual sex was.
• But things you do as a teenager don't count. Says me.
• Couples break themselves up. If they are strong, they survive.
• Did it for fun.
• Failed initially, but after they broke up I slept with both women at different times.
• He head-butted me at a party; I feel no guilt.
• He was mine first. We broke up, and then I changed my mind.
• I have a special talent for coming between a chick I want to bone and her boyfriend.
• It was an abusive relationship, and my friend was very unhappy.
• It was intentional at first, but the aftermath wasn't pretty, so I regret it.
• It's a work in progress.
• It's happened to me, and it fucking sucks. I would never knowingly do that to anyone, even people I hate.
• I've wanted to (a couple of times), but that's awful. I'm poly, and I get that other people aren't.
• Only on the spot, not a planned thing.
• Stupid move: if you succeed, you have a lover you may never trust ever again.
• The best you can do is inform your friend what an ass they are dating.
• They kept coming and asking for advice (separately).
• They were quite happy someone on the outside saw how wrong they were for each other.

15. Describe the last new thing you sexperimented with.

18. Do you generally wake up with a one-night stand?

a. I make sure one of us is gone before the sun rises
b. Waking up together is part of the process
c. I don't do one-night stands

Should I stay or should I go? Gay guys are twice as likely as anyone else (34 per cent versus 13 per cent of straight men and 17 per cent of women) to say they always make sure one person is gone before the sun rises.

But, hey, a higher percentage of gay men than of any other group feel that waking up together is part of the process (30 per cent versus 21 to 28 per cent for others). Fighting the stereotype are the 36 per cent of gay men who don't do one-night stands. They join 62 per cent of straight women, 59 per cent of straight men and 54 per cent of queer women.

Who knew?

• Those who say no to one-nighters more than average are both those who feel their sex life couldn't be any better and those who are getting it not at all.
• People who have succeeded in breaking up a couple are more likely to leave before day breaks, while those who have caused a breakup by accident are more likely than average to stay till morning.

You tell us:

• Afternoons are better.
• Booty call is over. I'm outta there.
• Glad those days are over. Have had to borrow money for cab rides home, and it feels very hookerish.
• I always sleep with someone at least twice.
• I am too afraid that my wife would notice the empty place in bed.
• I have enough awkward moments in my day without that.
• I like breakfast best with company.
• I like to wake up first and take stock. If it feels regrettable, I'm out of there.
• I live with my parents. I have no other choice but to go home or kick them out.
• I love the morning chat, especially when it includes, "Uh what's your name again?"
• I make sure I leave before she falls asleep.
• In a bathhouse, it's more like one hour than one night.
• It really depends on the dynamic. It's not a plan of action.
• It's a one-night stand! There's no daytime involved.
• Might as well fill the morning doing someone.
• Most were alcohol-influenced. Didn't move too fast to get out of there.
• Nobody likes the walk/ride home in the morning.
• Sex is not as good if you don't cuddle. That shows that you actually like the person (and the sex).
• The one time I stayed, I ended up meeting her kid.
• Waking up together is part of the process. So is giving them a fake number and hiding your face when you pass them on the street.
• Wear the morning like a badge of honour, no matter how shameful the act might have been.

19. How do you know when it's love?

20. When is it a good time for you to introduce your new love interest to your friends?

a. I want their feedback right away
b. I like to wait until I've made up my own mind
c. At the wedding

Ah, the friends. Very delicate. The choice of when to share shifts over time. The under-18s are keenest to get immediate feedback (37 per cent), followed by the 18-to-24s at 28 per cent. Only 16 per cent of those over 35 are still in a rush to get advice.

Most people, men and women, straight or not, just want to make up their own minds first. But not to the extreme of waiting till the wedding (3 or 4 per cent)!

Who knew?

• The romantically inclined are more likely than average to want to consult with friends right away. How romantic is that?
• Those who would never bother lying about their sex life are more likely than average to not need to share the truth with friends either.

You tell us:

• Does revealing their identity on Facebook count as introducing?
• He's really afraid to meet family and friends. He's not proud of his meagre circumstances.
• I also want the new love interest to see what the hell they're getting into.
• I don't like their feedback, or them talking crap behind my back.
• I don't need approval, but I want to share my excitement with my friends.
• I don't want to introduce them right away, but I do like to talk about each of them to each other beforehand.
• I love it when my friends pick up on something before I do - they're so in tune.
• I'd like to be able to wait and give it time, but I usually can't.
• My past choices have sucked; I'm not relying on my own instincts any more.
• Timing is critical. Wait too long, she gets angry or dumps you because you don't have any friends!

22. Have you attended any gay weddings since they became legal?

a. Yes
b. My god, it's been a deluge!
c. Not a one

Gay weddings may be raining and pouring, but only 2 per cent say it's a deluge. Two out of three queers (66 per cent) and one out of 10 (11 per cent) straights haven't gotten invited yet. But I'm pretty sure the ones who got on the guest list had a great time. (See question 17.)

Who knew?

• People who think more quality rather than quantity would most improve their sex life are more likely than average to have missed out on the big fat gay wedding trend.
• Surprising to some? The same lack of gay weddings has more likely than average afflicted those who think there are no rules about when to disclose that you're also dating someone else.

You tell us:

• A Quaker lesbian wedding in BC! Can it get any gayer than that?
• Call it what you want, it's still not a marriage.
• I am going to my first husband's wedding next spring. I am extremely excited!
• I attended the wedding of a "reformed" lesbian to a closeted gay man.
• I haven't been to any straight weddings either.
• I want to. I barely have gay friends. They're all bi.
• I was invited once... then uninvited.
• I was the best woman!
• If my lesbian aunt ever marries her partner, I think it would be interesting to be there.
• I'm hoping my son will invite me to his.
• My mother officiates at them. Go, Mom!
• My queer friends don't believe in marriage.
• None of my dudes are getting married - they're all whores.
• Nothing hotter than two virginal brides together.
• One last year, planning our own now.
• They're already divorced!! :(
• While I secretly want one myself, I hypocritically denounce them as "bourgeois crap."

23. Do you consider yourself romantic?

a. Let me count the ways...
b. I have my moments
c. No fucking way

The differences are subtle but very surprising. Yes, most of us feel we have our moments (62 to 70 per cent). But the most likely to consider themselves romantic are queer men (32 per cent, compared to 25 per cent of straight men and 28 per cent of women).

The most likely to say no fucking way are queer women (8 per cent, compared to 5 per cent of straight women, 4 per cent of straight men and 6 per cent of queer men). Man, the tables are turning so fast it's making me dizzy.

Who knew?

• People who have and enjoy having a fetish or kink are more likely than average to consider themselves romancers.
• And here's a possible hot tip: the same is true of those who say the truth about their sex lives is more unbelievable than any lie.
• Age-wise, it's disconcerting. Those more likely than average to be romantic are people over 50 or under 18.
• Those who pleasure themselves each day are also into romance. Do they send flowers, too?

You tell us:

• Closeted romantic.
• Hopelessly so, but my partner doesn't think I am.
• I have to be the one to initiate romance - otherwise, I get annoyed.
• I like romance, but I have a hard time being romantic myself.
• I was never very mushy until I met the right person and it just felt right.
• I'm more passionate and sensual than the typical romantic.
• I'm mostly inept, but I still believe in the power of flowers and chocolates!
• I'm neo-romantic. I find romance in strange and unconventional scenarios.
• My nickname is Mr. Hallmark for a reason.
• Only when there are benefits.
• "Romantic" is the most maligned word in any language - it's usually about manipulation.
• Sex without romance is empty; romance without sex is worth it.
• What some consider romantic I consider common sense.
• What's wrong with dried flowers from the grocery store?!?
• Women see romance as a sign of weakness these days.
• Yes, but only because I was raised by old-school women from Peru.

25. What would improve your sex life most?

a. Having sex more often
b. Having better sex
c. It couldn't be any better

Please, sir. Given the choice between more sex and better sex, most people opt for the Oliver - can I have some more? Young or old, straight or gay, single or coupled, male or female - 52 to 57 per cent say having sex more often would be the surest way to improve their sex life.

Still, about a third are thinking quality over quantity, while an ecstatic 15 per cent can't imagine their sex lives getting any better. Sweet.

Who knew?

• Those who want more sex than they're getting are more likely than average to often have erotic dreams. (Watch that, Mr. Sandman).
• People in the middle of a breakup like the idea of quality over quantity more than average. I guess that means they're still getting it.
• The same is curiously true for the secretly non-monogamous.

You tell us:

• A sex partner!
• Being more experimental.
• Being in love.
• Being in the mood at the same time as my partner.
• Being more spontaneous.
• Better self-esteem, but I'm sure that better sex would lead to sex more often as well.
• Conflicting schedules suck.
• Dealing with some unresolved emotional baggage would probably help with the better sex.
• Discussing our fantasties.... trying to live them together.
• Eliminating all the drama when we are not having sex.
• Getting into better shape.
• Having sex in more creative places.
• I can't wait until we live in the same city again.
• I need to let my partner know I want to be dominated.
• If I were less frigid and sexually fucked up I might have better sex, though. Working on it.
• In-bed catering!
• Kinkier sex, please!
• Life and family get in the way of our passion.
• Living alone and not with parents.
• Maybe it's time for Viagra.
• More partners at the same time.
• Nightly oral sex would also improve my sleep habits.
• Not being physically ill and incapacitated.
• Not having fucking condoms break.
• Right now I'm stuck on second base with a virgin. Phooey.

26. How often do you have erotic dreams?

a. Very often
b. Sometimes
c. None of my damn dreams are erotic

Most of us (67 per cent) sometimes have erotic dreams, but only one in five (19 per cent) can say their dreams are a regular part of their sex life.

Who knew?

• People who have sex or masturbate daily are also more likely than usual to do a lot of dream sex.
• There are more than the usual number of erotic dreamers among those who have successfully caused a breakup or who really appreciate getting spanked.
• Good liars about their sex lives are more likely than the norm to be good dreamers, too.
• The same is true for people who think their sex life sucks. I guess there's a downside to the impossible dream?

You tell us:

• Always with people who are unattainable, and they make me feel sad in the morning.
• And they always feel so real that I feel guilty when I wake up.
• And they never have a happy ending.
• Excessive masturbation clears the brain of any erotic thoughts I have left for dreams.
• Hell, I can't even pick up in my dreams!
• I used to hate having erotic dreams as a young teenager. Now that I'd love to have one, they've all run dry.
• I usually have killer orgasms while in dreamworld.
• It's been years. Maybe I need to stop toking before sleep.
• It's generally a nightmare that I'll get an STD. Not nice.
• Much more often since I got pregnant.
• My Catholic brainwashing turns any remotely erotic dreams into guilty disasters.
• They're always with people I don't actually want to fuck! Gross.
• Typically, dreams of past girlfriends.
• Unfortunately, many are of strange sex acts I didn't know I was into.
• Usually involving sex I've already had. How fucking lame is that?

24. What's your idea of romance?

28. What word best describes your reaction to watching your first porn movie?

a. Aroused
b. Disgusted
c. Educated
d. Indifferent
e. Traumatized
f. I haven't watched my first porn movie yet!

Watching a porn movie for the first time was an arousing experience for most men (73 per cent) and most women, too, with queer women a tad more likely to get turned on (56 per cent straight, 60 per cent queer).

The next most common reaction was to find the experience educational, especially among straight women (13 per cent of men, 17 per cent of straight women and 10 per cent of queer women).

Indifference was the next most oft-sited reaction, with women in general and queer women in particular somewhat more indifferent than men (7 per cent of men versus 12 per cent of straight women and 17 per cent of queer women).

Trauma and disgust together plagued only 5 per cent of guys and 11 per cent of gals. The negative reactions seem to peak among women 18 to 24 (13 per cent), and compared to older people, both men and women in that age range were less often aroused by their first exposure to porn (men 18 to 24 66 per cent, women 49 per cent).

Who knew?

• Those who consider themselves romantic are more likely than average to have been turned on by their first porn video.
• People who are attracted to a certain type of person are more likely than the norm to have found themselves hard or wet during their first encounter with a porn flick.

You tell us:

• Absolutely fascinated. At first I didn't know what I was watching.
• Best moment of my young life.
• Curious. I didn't yet know what cum was, so I thought he was peeing on her face!
• Delightfully scared.
• Guilty.
• I don't remember, but it must have been good, because I am addicted.
• I had to come to terms with sexuality before I enjoyed them.
• I learned to lick pussy and suck dick that way.
• I lost my virginity after seeing my first porn.
• I remember thinking, "Don't these people have legs? How did they get the camera in there?"
• I wanted to redecorate the set and get the women better shoes.
• I'm aroused until I cum, then I'm disgusted.
• In a crowded theatre in downtown Toronto - I thought I was going to explode.
• It has messed with me for life. I am a chronic porn addict now. I don't like that.
• Porn has done terrible things to sex and relationships.
• Porn is just another word for male educational video.
• Thankfully, I figured out that women don't really need to act like that during sex.
• The pacifier fell out of my mouth.
• The plot line could have used help.
• When the girl-on-girl stuff turned me on, it was one of the first times I realized I liked girls, too.
• With my then best friend. Wanted to suck him off while he watched.

29. Do you have or have you had an online dating profile?

a. Of course
b. Yes, but I don't know why I bother
c. More than one
d. Not yet
e. Never have, never will

The online dating profile is a far bigger fact of love life if you are queer than straight. Seventy-six per cent of queer guys (compared to 45 per cent of straight guys) and 57 per cent of queer women (compared to 42 per cent of straight women) have one or more dating profiles online.

But don't think it's just the single folk who are shouting out to others. Almost as many of the partnered are keeping their hand electronically in the ring (almost 60 per cent of single men versus 45 per cent of partnered men, and 52 per cent of single women versus 38 per cent partnered).

The least likely to have an online dating profile at all are the under-25s, who are also the most likely to think they never will. But the most likely to be dissatisfied with the whole experience are singles. Thirty-one per cent of single women and 29 per cent of single men just don't know why they bother. Next most disillusioned with the rewards of their Web seduction are gay guys, at 26 per cent.

Who knew?

• The determinedly monogamous are more likely than most to say they never will advertise online, while those who are cheating are the opposite.
• Those who like to introduce their new loves to friends right away are more likely than usual to say they will never test the online tide.
• Same for those who found their first porn movie disgusting.
• People who are always altered the first time are more likely than average to have answered yes to the online profile, while those who only usually get altered are more likely than the norm to be among those who have a profile but wonder why.

You tell us:

• A secret one.
• Found true love online.
• How else are you supposed to meet someone at my age?
• I firmly believe in chance encounters and butterflies.
• I hope I never get that pathetic.
• I knock it, but it works.
• I'm less afraid of creepers and more afraid of being turned into a creeper.
• It's a great freak filter.
• I've dated 15 guys named Jeff. Seriously.
• I've never acted on it, but I enjoy the attention and occasional chat.
• My wife does; she is searching for a person for a threesome.
• A quality catch doesn't need to go online.
• That's how I met my present partner. And my partner before that....

27. What do you think of spanking during sex?

a. I love getting spanked, it hurts so good!
b. I love to see red on my lover's ass
c. I would do it for my lover, but it's not my thing
d. It totally turns me off

Maybe in other ways it's better to give than to receive, but when it comes to those who like spanking with their sex (55 per cent of women and 44 per cent of men), more prefer the receiving end, so to speak (46 per cent of women and 30 per cent of queer men).

Except for straight guys. Only 15 per cent of straight men like to get spanked, whereas 28 per cent prefer to lend a hand. Of the rest, most would do it for their lover (32 per cent of women and 44 per cent of men). So overall, chances are high that if you go ahead and ask for what you want, you'll get it one way or another.

Who knew?

• Married people are less likely than the norm to be into getting a spanking, but they're more likely to be willing to do it for their partner. That's sweet.
• People who never have erotic dreams are more likely than average to be totally turned off by the whole spanking thing.

You tell us:

• This is my biggest turn-on, other than being called names.
• I'll pass on the kiss and give up a squeeze, but if you would, just spank me, please!
• But more slap-and-grab... or spanking playfully while we hang around the house naked.
• Came from an abusive background - spanking does not equal love or eroticism in my books.
• Duh, I'm a dom. I've had orgasms just from beating a guy. (No contact for me.)
• I don't mind it in foreplay, but its distracting during sex.
• I have been slapped to orgasm.
• I like spanking, but scratching is so much better.
• I never notice that he's spanking, cuz I'm too busy cumming.
• It makes me laugh, not the reaction guys are looking for.
• Not just on the bum either - pussy- spanking rocks.
• Rope marks are more my style.
• It's fun to spank because you can always kiss it better.
• As long as no one calls me daddy or wants to wear a diaper.
• I just love the sound.
• If you're not into it, you won't do it right.
• Sometimes I feel like I have childhood issues.

30. When on the rebound, have you found yourself hooking up with someone who reminds you of your ex?

a. I'm just attracted to a certain type of person
b. If anything, I look for someone who's the exact opposite
c. I've been known to go from someone who reminds me of my ex to someone who is my ex

Love has been a revolving door for one out of every four or five of us. Twenty-one per cent of men and 24 per cent of women have rebounded back into the arms of an ex at some point.

About a third of us can't really imagine why, since in this group we are looking for someone who is opposite.

But to answer their question, let it be noted that a lot of us can't really help being attracted to a certain type of person (40 per cent of women and 48 per cent of men).

Who knew?

• People who are secretly non-mono-gamous are more likely than average to say they keep being drawn to a certain type of person.
• Same for people who wank once a day or more, those who are totally turned off by spanking and those who are never altered when they have sex with someone for the first time.
• Those who have accidentally caused a breakup are more likely than the norm to have reunited with their ex.
• People who have compromised on the quality of sex in their relationship to be with the one they love are more likely than the norm to look for partners who are the opposite of their ex.

You tell us:

• I'm pretty slutty, so all types appeal, especially in rebound mode.
• Can't help it - a certain type of person is attracted to me.
• I believe in second chances, over and over and over.
• I don't date on the rebound. I prefer a clean state of mind when looking for love.
• I just want to fuck whoever so that I can forget my ex!
• I recycle boys.
• It would hurt too much to be with someone who reminds me of her. Also, I wouldn't want to accidentally scream out her name!!
• Physically perhaps, but not his character.
• Tall, shaggy-haired guitar players are plentiful.
• The best way to get over a man is to get under another!

31. When was the last time you were tested for an STI?

a. Less than six months ago
b. Six months to a year ago
c. It's been more than a year but less than two
d. It's been over two years
e. I've never been tested for an STI

I guess it's no surprise that queer men are the most up to date on their STI testing, with 53 per cent having been tested within the last year (33 per cent within the last six months). But straight guys, wake up. Only 27 per cent have had their genital health examined in the last year (15 per cent in the last six months), and 37 per cent have never been tested, compared with 18 per cent of queer men. Hmm.

Straight women are also less likely than their queer sisters to get themselves checked out, but only a little bit (27 per cent of straight women have never been tested, compared with 21 per cent of queer women). Here's one reason for better access to family doctors.

Who knew?

• People who are getting more bang than ever in their sex lives right now have likely had an STI test in the last six months.
• Same for couples who are together but live apart.
• People over 36 are more likely than average to have gone more than two years without an STI test.
• People who found their first porn movie educational are more likely than the norm to have never gotten an STI test.

You tell us:

• And when was the last time I had sex??
• Asked the doctor to test, and they basically said, "We'll only do an HIV test."
• Condoms. Always!!!!
• Do it every year, hope everyone does.
• Do Pap smears count?
• Got caught cheating, got tested, life is good.
• I really should, but I don't like talking to my doctor.
• I'm a social researcher in gender and HIV/AIDS. There's no fucking way I wouldn't follow my own advice.
• I'm only 19 and scared to go.
• It was terrifying, but I'm glad I did.
• It's on my to-do list, I swear. If I'd ever had unsafe sex it would be more of a priority.
• It's the one good thing about not having had intercourse.
• Public health needs to hurry up. I've been waiting three months for my results, and that's just ridiculous.
• The four of us had our HIV tests recently, and, boy, did we celebrate the condoms coming off!!!
• When I confirmed my boyfriend was unfaithful, many, many times.

33. Being on the receiving end of a public display of affection is:

a. Embarrassing
b. Delightful

Overwhelmingly, the jury says "delightful." Eight out of every 10 women surveyed enjoys receiving affection in public. Almost the same is true for straight men (78 per cent), and gay guys are just a little less enthusiastic at 70 per cent.

Partnered men at 78 per cent and particularly partnered women at 84 per cent are more into showing the love than their single confr�res (75 per cent female, 74 per cent male).

Who knew?

• Under-18s are way less likely to be fond of the PDA than those older than that.
• Same for those who are together but live apart.
• For obvious reasons, the secretly non-monogamous are not so likely to be fans of public affection.
• Those whose happiness with their current relationship fluctuates from day to day and those who never have erotic dreams are more likely to be among the embarrassed than the delighted.
• People with a kink or fetish who enjoy it are more likely than average to enjoy receiving a public love gesture, while those who feel their fetish or kink sucks are more likely than average to be embarrassed.

You tell us:

• As long as it doesn't devolve into a porn flick.
• As long as it's in good taste. Subtle vs showy is usually better.
• Depends on the situation. Grandma's funeral? No. At a concert? Sure.
• Embarassing, and yet I'm jealous when I see people getting one.
• I have a problem with even handshakes.
• I like to pretend I'm embarrassed.
• If it's spontaneous.
• It can hurt to be in a relationship where one is PDA-friendly and the other not so much.
• Kinda unsettling when people are saying how disgusting it is to see two guys kissing.
• Making other people squirm gets me all hot.
• PDAs should be banned.
• Unless I'm drunk. Then it's delightful.

32. Have you ever had sex with someone and then learned that they had an STI?

a. No, I always insist upon a frank discussion beforehand
b. No, I've been lucky
c. Yes, but thankfully I wasn't infected
d. Yes, and I ended up getting the STI
e. Yes, but we had safe sex, so it worked out okay

This is not good news. Not much more than one in four of us is sure to have an STI discussion before they have sex. Least likely to do so are queer men, at only 21 per cent, followed by queer women and straight men at 27 per cent, with straight women in the lead at 29 per cent.

Of the 35 per cent of queer men who ended up having sex and later finding out that their partner had an STI, only 6 per cent had had safe sex, 14 per cent were lucky and 15 per cent ended up getting infected. Twenty-two per cent of queer women have had the same experience. Of these, 4 per cent had had safe sex, 7 per cent were lucky and 11 per cent had to deal.

Seventeen per cent of straight men and women have faced the same STI surprise, with only 2 or 3 per cent having had safe sex. Eleven per cent of the women and 8 per cent of the men got infected. The good news, sorta, is that those under 25 are quite a bit more likely than average to have that important discussion before it's too late. Let's take a lesson from them.

Who knew?

• Romantics manage more often than average to have a frank discussion before the night's climax.
• Those who were indifferent to their first porn flick are more likely than the norm to count themselves among the lucky ones who haven't encountered a sexual partner with an STI.
• Those who have had an STI check in the last six months are more likely than average to have gotten infected and learned the hard way.
• Those who have gone more than a year but less than two between tests are more likely to count themselves among the lucky.
• Same for those who find aspects of their sexuality disturbing.

You tell us:

• Actually, I knew about it beforehand. It just made it more exciting.
• After my live-in boyfriend at the time dumped me and I found out he was fucking the office slut. Yup. Good times.
• Can you say "my worst nightmare"?
• From my first time! And never again. How shitty is that? Fucking bitch. Now I have herpes and have to disclose it to every partner. It seriously curtails my confidence in any possible new romance.
• Have discussions, but they could be more frank, more explicit.
• He didn't know he had it at the time.
• I could kill the bastard. I didn't learn he had an STI, but rather assumed it, since I ended up with one.
• I now always practise safe sex. No glove, no love.
• I was unexpectedly offered a frank discussion beforehand.
• I'm very allergic to latex, which makes it hard to have safe sex. If I feel I trust someone, I'll have unprotected sex.
• My own test results have not come back yet.
• Not sure who gave it to me, my cheating ex or the rebound. So I had to spread the word.
• Turns out condoms don't protect from everything. Who knew?

34. Do you take part in any sex-related events or communities?

a. Yes, and why don't you?
b. No, that's not my thing

The queer/straight divide is pretty intense when it comes to sex-related events and community. In the straight world, participation of this type is not exactly insignificant at 17 per cent, but it's still quite out there, so to speak. In the queer universe, almost half (46 per cent of women and 40 per cent of men) say yes and why don't you when asked this question.

Who knew?

• People who feel like a failure if their partner doesn't orgasm are less likely than average to head out to a sex party.
• People who say the truth about their sex life is more unbelievable than any lie are more likely than most to say yes, why don't you?
• People who have sacrificed on the sex for the sake of love are more likely to say sex events and communities aren't my thing, while those who have stayed for the good sex when love was lacking are more likely to say yes, I'd love to come.

You tell us:

• Four years of university has taught me that there's absolutely no such thing as queer "community." Sorry.
• Best of Both Worlds has been a great place to meet like-minded women and women in the same shoes as me.
• Burning Man.
• College parties.
• Does a sex-toy party count?
• Does Pride count?
• Hedonism resorts.
• Hooray for Northbound's Halloween bash!
• I go to swingers clubs on a regular basis.
• I used to be an escort. Does that count?
• I want to but have not had enough opportunity/courage/willing partner.
• I would. I'm assuming this survey doesn't count.
• I'm too much of a nerd.
• In the sense that I play in a band just to get laid, and every gig is sex-related.
• Is Facebook a sex-related community?

35. Are you into a fetish or a kink?

a. Oh yeah, baby, it's good
b. Yes, and it sucks
c. No, my sundae is great without the whipped cream
d. No, but there are aspects of my sexuality that do disturb me

At the very least, one out of every three of us has and enjoys having a fetish or a kink of some kind (34 per cent of women, 37 per cent of men). In the queer community, that percentage takes a leap to almost half of us, with women leading the men (48 per cent women, 42 per cent men).

Only 2 or 3 per cent are unhappy with their kinky sexual bent, but a significant minority find aspects of their sexuality disturbing (18 per cent) - almost evenly distributed across demographic lines, with singles just a bit more uneasy (21 per cent of women, 19 per cent of men) and queer men and women less bothered (16 per cent).

Nice thing is, the percentage goes down with age, so you guys, something to work on for next year.

Who knew?

• A kink or fetish seems good for the libido. Those who say they have one that delights are more likely than average to have sex every other day or more. Same for those who give themselves a hand equally often.
• The happy kinksters are likewise more likely than average to feel their sex life couldn't be any better.
• Those who find aspects of their sexuality disturbing are more likely than average to be totally turned off by spanking and to report that their sex life hasn't changed much over the last year and that's not a good thing.

You tell us:

• If loving the smell of a man's armpits is a kink.
• Ponytails.
• Do schoolgirls and cheerleader outfits count?
• Female ejaculation.
• Haven't found one, but I'm looking.
• I have a glasses fetish. like big, geeky thick frames. Seriously.
• I have a thing for biting. Hard.
• I have an Internet addiction that involves e-seduction.
• I have several. Doesn't everyone?
• I used to belong to a foreskin club.
• I love spanking so much that I walk around spanking my own ass in front of my roommates.
• Is BDSM still considered a fetish or a kink despite its popularity?
• Is getting pegged kinky?
• Jock straps - nuff said.

36. Do you lie to your friends about the amount of sex you have?

a. Doesn't everyone?
b. Not the amount, but the quality of it
c. Why would anyone bother?
d. The truth about my sex life is more unbelievable than any lie

Don't believe everything you hear, but odds are good that most of it is actually true. Not just because 60 per cent of women and 57 per cent of men don't even understand why anyone would bother. Then you have to add in the 19 per cent of women and 17 per cent of men who say their sex life is more unbelievable than any lie. That jacks up the truthometer quite a bit.

Basically, 14 per cent of women and 19 per cent of men think everyone's exaggerating just as much as they are, while another 7 per cent of both sexes only fib about quality, not quantity.

Who knew?

• Those most likely to be stretching the truth are under 18. Most likely to be truthful are those 25 to 35.
• The secretly non-monogamous are more likely than average to think everyone's as untruthful as themselves.
• People who wonder why anyone would lie about their sex life are, oddly, more likely than average to tell their best friend the truth about a celebrity encounter even though the person asked them not to.

You tell us:

• Bisexuals have to be a bit more discreet. The straight world and gay world react differently to different things we tell them.
• Don't want to rub it in too much.
• I didn't let it be known I was a virgin, and don't brag about not being one now.
• I don't outright lie; I believe in the power of suggestion.
• I don't talk about the amount of sex I have, except to anonymous surveys.
• I love to share but am never asked.
• I only lie when necessary, like to my mother so she doesn't think I'm a whore.
• I wish I had friends who wanted to talk about this openly. Most are too closed.

37. Are you generally altered by drugs and/or drink when you have sex with someone for the first time?

a. Always
b. Almost always
c. Not usually
d. Never

My guess on this one would be so wrong, wrong, wrong. Two out of three people (69 per cent of women, 72 per cent of men) say they are never or are not usually high or drunk when they have their first sexual encounter with someone. Only a tiny 5 per cent of both men and women say they are always drunk or stoned the first time.

And it's straight men who are least likely to say almost always (22 per cent, versus 26 per cent of straight women and 25 to 28 per cent of queer men and women). In fact, those most likely to be almost always altered are women in the 25-to-35 age range.

Who knew?

• Those who are monogamous except under agreed-upon circumstances are more likely than average to be almost always blasted with someone new. Would that be the agreed-upon circumstance, then?
• People who think it's normal to lie about their sex lives are more likely than average to actually never be drunk or stoned during a first encounter. That just doesn't seem right.

You tell us:

• A bit of booze is a good lubricant.
• Beer goggles!
• But having sex on ecstacy is frustrating, because it's hard to climax.
• Confused. Doesn't everyone have wine before sex?
• Does Viagra count?
• Drunken sex sucks.
• Half my partners I've been drunk. Then again, I wouldn't have had sex with half of them if I hadn't been!
• I feel the most free when my mind is altered.
• I've been clean and sober for over five years now, and I can't describe the intensity of sober sex. It's fabulous.
• Making out and possible sloppy hand jobs, yes. Sex, no.
• Tipsy, yes. Plastered, no.

38. Have you ever had to choose between great sex and love in relationship?

a. I've hung in for the great sex even though the love was lacking
b. I have compromised on the quality of sex to be with the one I love
c. That's one choice I've never had to make.
d. I've been in both situations

Whatever our gender or preferences, most of us (62 per cent) have had to deal with love and sex quotients in our relationships that weren't quite in sync. The most common sacrifice was staying with someone we love even though the sex wasn't the best (23 per cent). Queer women are most likely to have faced down this one, at 27 per cent.

Only 15 per cent of us all have opted to hang in for great sex even though the love was lacking. One out of four (24 per cent) have dealt with both situations. Those who are between 36 and 49 seem to be having the toughest time with this one. Only 28 per cent say they've never had to make any choice.

Women between 36 and 49 are most likely to have been in both situations (33 per cent), while the men have most often compromised on sex to be with the one they love (30 per cent).

Who knew?

• People who are together but live apart are more likely never to have had to choose, while those who are living together are more likely than average to have had to compromise on the sex side.

You tell us:

• And, damn, I'm never doing that again. Love is nothing without a great fuck!
• Strong love without great sex is better for the soul.
• And then he had an affair and left me broken-hearted. Sigh.
• Hanging in for the love is more heartbreaking then giving up love for great sex.
• I don't do love, I just fuck.
• I have love all the time and sex some of the time, and this works for me.
• I try to wait for it to be addressed by the other person.
• I was ill and frigid for years and couldn't have sex. My partner stayed with me and cared for me in spite of it.
• Ideally, if the love is solid, the sex can be worked on.
• I'm the one who sucks. I'm surprised he's still with me!
• In our early years, the sex was not as good. After 10 years, it became great and hot.
• My ex, great sex, crappy relationship. My current wife, great relationship with lacking sex. Thus, I have an arrangement where I can get more satisfying sex outside the loving relationship (not that I've been very successful!).

39. When do you tell someone you're dating that you're also dating someone else?

a. Before or during the first date
b. Before sex
c. After several dates
d. There are no rules

There are no rules in the dating game, say almost half of all guys (46 per cent) and a hearty 37 per cent of women. That's quite a lead over the 29 per cent of men and 30 per cent women who feel that before or during the first date is the honourable way to go.

Straight guys are most likely to feel lawless (47 per cent) and least likely to commit to first-date disclosure (28 per cent). They're almost the polar opposites of queer women, 41 per cent of whom say on or before the first date, while only 28 per cent say rules are just meant to be broken.

Who knew?

• Those over 50 and those who are married are more likely to say there are no rules. Yikes.
• Those who are together but live apart are more likely than average to disclose on the first-date and less likely to say no rules.

You tell us:

• After sex... so u still get some in case they don't like that info.
• Be clear before any feelings are hurt. If you think it's awkward now, just wait until they're falling in love with you.
• Before or during the first date. I learned that real quick... and now my balls hurt way less!
• Definitely b4. No soap operas here, man.
• During sex?
• I am always upfront about being married to a man.
• I am hesitating on doing that @ this exact moment.
• I believe in no rules, but I can't handle dating more than one person at a time. I get confused. What's his name?
• If it's agreed that the relationship is "casual," there's no point in telling them.
• In the first month, when we have the "exclusivity" talk.
• I've cheated but never multi-dated.
• Like test-driving a car. Until you've bought, test-drive as many as you can.
• Wow, must be nice to have this problem.
• You don't have to tell them straight-up, but you can't hide it either if they ask.

40. Like the Canadian dollar, has your love and/or sex life strengthened since last year?

a. I'm definitely getting more bang for my buck
b. Sadly, it's gone downhill
c. Unchanged, but that's a good thing
d. Unchanged, and that sucks

Leading the improved love and/or sex-life sweepstakes are women with partners. Sixty per cent say they are definitely getting more bang for their buck this year. Only 23 per cent of them say it's gone downhill or stayed the same not in a good way.

Queer women also score happily; 57 per cent of them say thumbs-up to a good love and/or sex year. All around, the men are just a little less up, so to speak, than the women. Only 39 per cent of guys definitely got more bang for their buck last year. And, sadly, about half of all singles (51 per cent) were not impressed.

Who knew?

• People who feel like a failure if their partner doesn't have an orgasm are more likely to be among those whose sex life went downhill. No offence.
• People who like getting spanked are more likely than average to have had a fun-filled year.
• Same for people who look for someone opposite to their ex rather than being repeatedly attracted to the same type.
• And it's been thumbs up also, more likely than average, for those who attend sex-related events or communities. So for a good love and sex year to come, come to the NOW Love & Sex Party on February 15. And tell us how it all went in NOW's next Love and Sex questionaire coming out in the Fall.

You tell us:

• Awesome!!!!!!! and she's knocked up!
• Especially since I discovered my new toy! Sex doesn't always have to involve another person.
• He has been bringing more guys home to share this year. That is nice.
• I don't know if it can get any worse.
• I'm going for people who are better for me.... baby steps.
• I'm not waiting for Mr. Right any more.
• It ebbs and flows, like the tide.
• It's called getting a divorce, baby! Yee- haaaaaaaaaaw.
• It's gradually improving, hard when you don't see the other person often.
• It's more to do with my level of self-confidence - which has risen - than with the amount of sex.
• It's not exactly sad. It's been my choice to take a break.
• Just finding out what I want, and making changes.
• Last year I was married and sex sucked. Now I'm single again and sex is better than ever.
• Less often, but less boring.
• More sex, less love, and that sucks.
• My masturbatory life is thrusting toward excellence.
• Still a virgin, still no boyfriend, still macking on the one boy who won't have me.
• Thinking about becoming a nun.
• This was the year I fell in love!
• We had a baby six months ago - things have changed!

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